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Feb 28, 2012

Gay Marriage - We're going in

I have mentioned here my basic opinion of "Gay Marriage" and, as Maryland will soon sign "Gay Marriage" into law, I figured "no time like the present" to offend someone... plus, better to attack a controversial topic now and not in a couple of years when I have a huge following and my stance could conceivably cause more of a bruhaha. I like Bill O'Reilly too much to want to get fried on his show on Fox News Network. That's right, I'm afraid of being called a "Pinhead" on TV".

I really, really don't understand this issue.I don't even understand why it IS an "issue". Two people love each other, they want to commit to each other with the intention of spending the rest of their natural lives together, and in the case that someone needs to "pull the plug" they each trust the other enough with the responsibility and the keys to their safe deposit box.  How is this different than heterosexual couples? Why do we keep having to preface the words "couple" and "Marriage" with a classification? Why can't it just be marriage?

I lived in the town next door to Fort Lauderdale, FL for many years. In case you have been living in a cave on the side of a mountain in India, Fort Lauderdale is apparently second to San Francisco for its Gay populace. I got to know many gay people young and old. Couples who had been together for 20 years and people who'd never had a "real" gay relationship. They all had something in common: They were people. Fat, skinny, spendthrift, saver, homebody, person about town... double income, single income and trust fund babies. People.  

I keep putting the term "Gay Marriage" in quotes because no one has really settled on a term for this union of property, passion and payrolls - unless it's "Marriage", which offends some people. None of these offendable people, to my knowledge, are my friends. I'm pretty sure I scared them off during the last election. So, is it "Gay Marriage", or "Same Sex Marriage" or "Homogeneous Marriage"? All I know is that there is a 50 % chance that the "Partners" or "Spouses" are going to end up hating each other and standing in the middle of whatever neighborhood they are living, screaming at the other one about all of their indiscretions (real or imagined) and how much one hates the other's family. I'm sorry, that sounds like... I don't know... do they call it MARRIAGE???

What is there to be afraid of? If two people want spend the rest of their lives fighting about who puts an empty milk carton back in the refrigerator or whose turn it is to pick up all of the dog turds in the yard, who is it going to hurt?  I've heard that employers might not choose to provide health insurance anymore because all of the gay people in their employ might hook up and settle down. And if the employer provides health insurance for married couples and their families - now they might have to cover the gay spouse! Horrors! That might be a financial hardship on the employer! Really? Well, whomever ordered up "Obama sCare" took care of that - now all employers have to offer insurance coverage... of course now they won't be hiring people because they can't afford to insure their employees, so eventually there wont' be anyone left... I guess that's another topic. 

But I have some questions about "Gay Marriage".  Every hetero couple I know, the man sleeps on the left and the woman sleeps on the right.  What do gay people do? Do they sleep "head to foot" so they both get the feeling that they're on the Left side  - and Lesbians sleep the other way so they feel like they're on the right?

Do gay couples not have toilet seats because they don't need to put it down for their spouse? Or do they fight about who forgot to lift it?   

Do lesbians have custody battles about the makeup mirrors and expensive shoe? Is there any better way to live than with someone whom you can split the cost of expensive shoes and fancy make up mirrors?  Can you imagine coming home with a wildly expensive pair of shoes and not having to throw them into the back of the closet to let them "age", or run right outside and walk around on the gravel drive to scrape up the soles? Not that I'd ever do that. just sayin'.

Yes, I am traditional enough that I think marriage of any kind is between 2 people, but any 2 people who are willing to commit to the insanity known as marriage, are welcome to it!

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