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Sep 3, 2013

Why I DO NOT want to meet the Kraft Zesty Guy

Recently, I have noticed, every time I log onto Facebook, or or whatever, that there is a contest out there to win a chance to meet and get a cooking class with the "Kraft Zesty Guy".

Now, not since the Diet Coke Hottie Ad Campaign of 19-I don't know what, has there been an ad campaign that I've paid much attention to like I've paid attention to the "Kraft Zesty Guy".

Let's face it, there's not a healthy woman - or a healthy number of men - on earth who doesn't want to get to know the Kraft Guy in a Zesty way! Am I right? I know I am!

But here's the thing... much like I prefer Mike Rowe as my TV boyfriend, I prefer the Kraft Zesty Guy as the dressing on my Facebook Salad!

I don't have to be disappointed by his blathering on about the Jets when I prefer the Patriots.
I don't have to listen to drivel about the team from New York that wears pinstripes while I love the Boston Red Sox.

I don't have to listen to his liberal, left wing politics (mind you I don't for sure know either Mike's nor Zesty's politics, just saying) while I, screaming financial conservative that I am, believes that Big Daddy, Mike, Zesty and every other honest business person deserves to keep and/or spend their hard earned dollars as they see fit.

Now, where Zesty is concerned, I have some serious misgivings about getting all of that spray tan stuff out of the sheets and his clothes. It takes an awful lot of ... spray... to sculpt that 8 pack, and I really am not sure that there is enough OxiClean in this world to get that stuff out of my cotton sheets!

Not to mention, I've seen an awful lot of Zesty hanging out in sand... I do not like sand in my laundry... neither does my laundry... neither does, as a matter of fact my salad! 

Salad is not where sand - zesty or not - belongs!

But I digress... Zesty is the thing that serious fantasies are made of... that hair, those eyes... the spanking of the dough... sigh....... anyway... the problem for me is that he just looks like he smells like spray tan... and at the end of the day... if my  man has been spanking the dough - or me - Hawaiian Tropic is not what I want to be smelling!


  1. Ok I need to google the Zesty Guy because I have no idea what you're talking about! This post made me giggle!

    1. Oh, Yes, my friend... you must go on YouTube and watch the Zesty Guy as he lights fires with a look, looses his shirt in the salad spinner, sets hearts aflame while reading literature, all while trying to lure the salad lover in us to Get Zesty with him.... No. I will not do it in person! I will put a zesty meal that includes Kraft dressing on my table.... but as for the Zesty Guy? I will admire him from afar.... always being pleased at the persona I build for him in my mind... never being disappointed by the real thing....