A Lesson in Gratitude

I'm sure that, just like I did, all of you greeted the new school year with joy, sorrow, relief and dread.

Joy for some quiet time and possibly relief from additional day care costs.

Sorrow for that youngest baby who started kindergarten or High School, or whom you last saw through your tears and the rear view mirror as you drove away from their college dorm.

Relief from the "craft days" that resulted in more glue on your velvet sofa in the living room (into which Absolutely No One went that day, cross our hearts!) than on the macaroni and paper for which it was meant. Or the extra food bills because ya gotta feed those kids and they have friends....big ones. And they know you have food....

Dread because of the upcoming birthday parties that they might not be invited to, the teams they won't get selected for, the prom dates, and the homework... oh my God the homework....

My MiniMe started High School the other day. Her first day of High School was her first day of public school, her first day in a grade that had more than 25 kids in it (380 kids in her Freshman class), first school day not wearing a uniform, her first ride on a school bus - ever.

She got a weird elective that is an introduction into the school's "career track", she didn't get the Latin class she wanted (gee, public school, thanks for the heads up on that one - not), she got an AP class for history (I didn't know they did that for Freshman - but thanks for the College Credit!).

She's adjusting... we're adjusting....

I know for sure that the DogMan is happy to be back to his morning Dog Park schedule with our regular posse! There have been a few changes there, too.... Dog Man doesn't get to see his friend, Mac, because his owner gets out later in the day than she has the last few years. Blonde Maggie has been "replaced" by Little Maggie because Blonde Maggie comes earlier, and Little Maggie comes with her owner after dropping her Boy at school.  Little Maggie's friend, Tula, has joined us as well, which is great. Her mom is totally cool... and Wiley is still as crazy as ever and with his super cool mom who is just as in awe of some of the stuff that goes on around here as I am...

Ofcourse the human Dog Park Posse pretty much echoes the Dog Pack.... we stand around and talk about our kids, parenting our parents, parenting our children, how are we going to pay for college, whose kid got what teacher and are they horrible or are they great....

So, as our school year has settled in, the Human Posse has started checking in with one another... "How was that parent coffee? How many of those damned things can one person go to?", "How is the new school/ teacher?"....

So far, everyone is up beat and off to a good start. One 5th grader is overwhelmed by the size of her class, but the school is being proactive. My MiniMe is busy getting back into the swing of things and relearning the meaning of time management (no, you do not have 6 hours of homework), as well as getting used to a new environment, a new school format and did I mention: NO UNIFORM!

Two of the Human Posse started to talk to each other about "IEP", "504" and "Whether it's time to get an advocate", or "Hey, first time ever! PPT went well! No one cried!".... and these parents - members of our human "pack - told the rest of us a little bit about their incredible children, who have challenges that none of the rest of us have ever had to deal with.

The learning and communication disabilities, the physical challenges, the arguing with the school, while trying to seem like you are on their side, just to get your kid a place at the desk.

And I realized that it was time to take a lesson in gratitude for just how lucky I am as a Mom (I really am, you should meet the MiniMe - Best. Kid. Ever.), how lucky she is as a kid.

So, I'm going to try to take a step back from being annoyed at the idea of MiniMe making cupcakes in Foods & Nutrition this semester, and the fact that she didn't get the Latin class that she wanted.

I'm going to dry the homework tears and not worry too much about the start of the year blues and confusion,
And I'm going to be thankful that MiniMe has the ability to do most things for herself, and the ability to communicate (whether or not I like what is being communicated!), and the ability to be successful at school and in life.

Oh What a Beautiful Day!

I love the changes in the seasons that come with living in New England, and Spring is bursting out all over. Maybe our mild winter was more like a prolonged, cold Spring, but the lawn is turning green again and the flowers are popping up. The sun is out the birds are singing and the dog can spend time out side, which makes everyone very, very happy. Particularly the dog.

In SoFlo, where the yard grows year round, gardening is WORK, and it's hot and sweatty, and I thanked God every week when the lawn service came and did the lawn, and the hedges before moving onto the rest of the neighborhood. Here, in New England, the chores vary with the season. By the way, I hate raking. I have never used so much effort and so much time to get so little done.  Shoveling snow is a little better, but not that much.

With the appearance of sunny skies and warming soil, there are a few outdoorsy type things that have been calling to me, so I've been a little more pro active in my out door activities.

Last weekend, as you may know, I decided to clean out my Peony bed which took about 2 hours longer than I thought it would. The Peonies are coming up and I have my fingers crossed for everything else that received a bit of my TLC. Please pray for the non weeds in my Peony bed.

Today temperatures are in the 60's, the sun is out, MiniMe's Spring Break starts, and we are looking forward to a weekend by the sea - during which I am going to try to figure out how to add pictures to this blog! Our friends, Mike and Colleen, will be dropping by for lunch on Saturday and I believe we are going to Paul's Pasta for lunch on Sunday, it being my Bday and all....but I digress...

The pool, which we originally thought was a large pond, will be open in a couple of weeks, so I took the opportunity to dump a couple of pounds of shock into its murky depths. The darn pool was crystal clear all winter. After a couple of days of warm weather; BANG, I've got thousands of gallons of pea soup. ick.

There are beautiful plantings in a big ring around the pool (hence the thought that it was a pond) and the Iris are coming up first, poking their pointed leaves out of the ground. The Hostas won't be far behind them. I'll let you know if anything else (other than the onion grass) comes to life, but the Hostas and the Iris are all that I recall... oh, there maybe some Tiger Lillies.... but I dont' remember.

In order to keep the weeds and grass at bay around the pool and its plants, the previous owners had put white marble chips down as ground cover. The marble chips hadn't been raked or cleaned or whatever one does to marble chips, so we bought many bags of marble chips at the season clearance sale at a local nursery last Fall (see Pound Ridge Nurseries) so I heeded the call of the 20 bags of stone that Big Daddy had placed out there a couple of weekends ago, and released them onto the plants. I hope the Iris recover!

I called the siding people to get some estimates to reside my shingle house. (Hold me! I'm scared!) And I look forward to replacing some of the old windows, as well as putting in some insulation.Yes, we're on the far side of winter and NOW I'm thinking about insulation. sigh. Thank goodness for the mild winter.

I'm also looking forward to redoing my Kitchen and Master Bathroom (both Circa 1948). I'm sure I'll be happy when it's all done!

Have a happy weekend!

Going Home

When people ask me what living in Florida was like, I speak my true experience. It was 18 years of culture shock.  There were great things – my fabulous friends, Cuban food, Coconut Grove Art Festival, my orchids.  As a kid, I had visited Florida many times with my parents, so visiting certain tourist attractions was fun, but it was never home.

I grew up in a quintessential New England town: As a teenager, I once ran a red light down town, and by the time I got home, my parents knew about it.  The traffic light is located in front of the police station and one of the constables had been looking out the window as I ran the light. He didn’t chase me down and give me a ticket, he called my Mom. I got into so much trouble! That was home for me.

After 18 years in South Florida, and due to the effect of the economy, Big Daddy was “made redundant”.  I wasn’t all that upset when he told me the news. In fact I was horribly conflicted because all I felt was joy and relief.  We’d really missed our New England way of life and now we would likely be going Home.  The SoFlo style just isn’t us. It’s not that there isn’t a lot to like, or that I don’t miss, but it just isn’t us.  Plus, I didn’t doubt for a minute that Big Daddy was going to get a great new job.

While BD looked for a job – there were some great options as soon as word got out that he was no longer with his previous employer – we talked about where we would live.  After 18 years of culture shock I wanted to go HOME.  Very few of my SoFlo neighbors interacted in my part of the ‘hood. the neighbor's kids were pyromaniacs when they weren't trying to kill each other. I rarely saw anyone I knew on the sidewalk (though my good friend KimO still mentally waves to me as she jogs past my former home), and I never felt comfortable enough to even let MiniMe play in our yard by herself. Play dates were hard to come by because MiniMe had to go to private school and it was such a drive between our home and the homes of her friends. So she was lonely, too.

There were some job opportunities in and around The Big City. Big Daddy needs access to major airports for his job related travel, and I wanted access to museums, shopping and cultural opportunities, so we knew we didn’t want to be more than a 1 hour train ride away.

We thought about moving to the town in which I grew up. I still have family living there, the schools are blue ribbon, and there are only 3 stoplights (up one from when I was a kid). Sometimes it’s a little like that country music video –Craig Morgan, I think – where the farmer is driving his combine down the state road on the way to his next field with a pretentious, cell phone talking moron in a drop top beemer hard on his tail.(no offense to any drop top beemer drivers is meant)

I could imagine MiniMe stopping at the same Western Auto for help with a flat tire on her bike – no money in her pocket – and the owner helping her fix it then saying “just tell your Mom she can drop the money by when she gets a chance.”. That’s the kind of town I grew up in. The constable who turned me in to my parents for running that red light? His son is a constable now. Unfortunately, my Mayberry was just a little too far from the beaten path for Big Daddy who didn’t relish a 30 minute drive to the closest train station, then a 1 hour train ride to The City.

Big Daddy, on the other hand, grew up in a commuter town with a stop on the Metro North Hudson Line and, if he was going to work in The City, he wanted to be in a town with a train station.  I though I saw my New England fantasy life slipping away.

Smack between the two towns in which BD and I grew up is the quintessential Snow globe town in which my Mother in Law grew up. BD had many fond memories of the town where he had spent a lot of time with his grandparents. I fired up the laptop, entered my favorite Real Estate Search Engine (www.williamraveis.com) and entered the name of the town.  I swooned with joy at the pictures of the antique center hall colonials with their wide board floors and their 12 over 12 pane windows.

I delighted in the Chamber of Commerce pictures of down town that appeared to have plenty of parking (which it still does at 7AM, the time the photo was taken), the train station, and the recreation department’s vast menu of activities for MiniMes of every age.

I looked up the public school system and nearly cried with relief – public school would be a reality!! And there were no metal detectors at the doors of the schools! Spanish is taught as an elective – not as a first language! Be still my heart parsimonious heart.

With a little more sleuthing, it turned out that one of my childhood neighbors lived in the town, and another was a pastor at a church in the next town over.  Is there anything better than moving to a new place and having people who already like you because they liked you “back then”? Or someone whose name you can enter on the “in case of emergency please call…” line on school forms? Is there anything more lonely than an empty “in case of emergency please call…” line on a school form?

Big Daddy had a couple of job interviews lined up, and we realized that the move was going to need to be made sooner rather than later.  We made a reservation at a big, old inn and my Mom stayed with MiniMe. I made plans to look at rental homes with a real estate agent who was an associate of a friend of my hair stylist in Florida.  She’s now one of my besties.  I miss my stylist.

My Agent/ Bestie pulled a great rental out of thin air for us (or so it seemed), we plunked down a heart stopping amount of money for a deposit, and six weeks later we moved in.

Within a few days of our arrival, I was being teased by the regulars at the local coffee shop for wearing winter clothes (it was 80 the morning that MiniMe and I flew out of the Fort Lauderdale Airport and 50 when we landed that afternoon), the size of our moving truck (colossal), neighbors were stopping us on Main Street to invite us to stop by for coffee.  People knocked on our door to welcome us to town.

Remember my childhood neighbor that was living in the same town?  She arrived 10 minutes behind the moving truck with a bag of goodies that included all kinds of local information, take out menus complete with recommendations, sweets from the locally owned businesses, the phone number of her pediatrician, hugs and loads of good cheer.  

MiniMe (who, mind you, had just gone trick or treating in SoFlo and brought her 5lb load with her), got a bag of candy from a neighbor who was glad to see a kid in the community, plus a Christmas stocking loaded down with treats from our Agent/Bestie who stopped by to make sure we were settling in. I’m sure there was more, but I might have blocked it from my memory but  I filled her Christmas stocking with dental floss, toothbrushes and toothpaste.

I started referring to our address as “123 Fairy Tale Lane”.

MiniMe was kindly welcomed into the 5^th grade of her new Catholic school upon her mid year appearance.  A couple of weeks later, she was already getting invited to skating parties, birthday parties, slumber parties and after school playdates.

There was a constant bustle of friends old and new and family stopping by, saying hello, coming for dinners. Getting reacquainted. One night my daughter said to us at dinner “Mom, Dad, I want to ask you something.”… BD and I looked at each other for a clue, but neither of us had anything… “WHERE have you been hiding all of these people? WHY don’t I know them?”. I really had no answer for this. I was stumped. MiniMe went back to her plate and said, “I just want you to know that I think it’s great!”.

I needed a moment just then, and I still do just writing this. 

 Though I miss my long time SoFlo friends, I am so glad to be home.

Say Thank You to a Veteran!

As you move through your every day life, look at the hats worn by older gentlemen - and occasionally the older woman. You'll be surprised at just how many of those hats tell you that the wearer spent some time serving this country.
When you see one of those hats, thank the wearer. I'll even tell you what to say: "Thank you for serving.", "Thank you for your service", "Coffee's on me today, thanks for your service.".
It doesn't take any time, it doesn't change your politics, it doesn't cost you any money (except maybe if you choose to pick up that coffee). You don't even have to engage in any further conversation. Just say it.
It makes the day of a person who never expected to be thanked for their service, and it's the right thing to do.
I have spoken. Go forth and have a nice day. Unless you are in Australia where I belive that it is Noon tomorrow. You have a nice tomorrow.